Saturday, 7 October 2017

Conflicting Views on Complementing #Weightloss on #Connect and 10.5 pounds to #WeightlossGoal Over #150poundslost

Even as I wrote the title of this post, I had an involuntary internal cringe.  Did I just write an oxymoronic statement?  Conflicted though I may be to complement the weight loss of others, my title intimates that I seek a positive response. But, what exactly am I talking about?  Even I feel bothered by my own thought processes.  You see, and as indicated in my last few posts, my mindset has been transformed.  I have embraced the concept theoretically and in practice of a Growth Mindset (You can test yours here).  One key tenant that made the most difference in my life was that the success of others is in no way detrimental to my own.  What a relief!  For so long I wanted to celebrate in the success of others, but felt that I was clearly not good enough if it were not I that was the success.  No, this is not the issue at all.  I am so pleased to be able to celebrate the weightloss of others; and especially, when I am able to empathise with the NSV (Non-Scale Victory) posts that resonate so dearly with me: the magical moments when you slip into a dress that is a size smaller, when a well worn wedding ring needs to be resized, when the high boots fit and when the seat on the plane isn't too small...
But, oddly, today as I was viewing and then commenting on posts on Connect (Weight Watchers App, community forum), I struggled and gradually drawn into my own thoughts of self-doubt.  Big question- Who am I now that I am nearing my final, revised I might add, weight goal?   Why am I cheering on women and men that I would consider beautiful at any weight?  Am I a hypocrite?  If I was so very much, and still am, a pro-plus-size/pro-any-size, you are fabulous person, in my core...what am I doing? My comments of Awesome❣  Fabulous loss ❣ seemed to me to negate the person that started this journey; this thought gave way to self-reflection on the typical complements I received when I weighed 308 pounds.  You have such a beautiful face.  Even at your weight, you always dress so well and look after yourself.  My face is pleasant enough and I did look after myself, that is true...and even in the toughest moments, I found strength, through prayer family and friends to love the whole of me.   Besides, real beauty is within, even Alexa our Amazon Echo will tell you this when asked if she thinks you are beautiful! Part of understanding, at 308 pounds, that real beauty is within, but morbid obesity can result in certain illnesses, did lead me to take my health into my own arms. (Type 2 Diabetes runs on both the maternal and paternal sides of my family).  However, I also became more active in pro-size acceptance; because my journey was a long one of over ten years to this point and because acceptance should not be related to size.  So, now as my own size has slowly dwindled from a UK 30 to a UK 12, I feel a little lost. On a few occasions, when I have shown someone my picture at 308 pounds, they can't believe it is me. They say, It doesn't even look like you! You look like a whole different person! I know the comments are well meaning, but I am that person.  Maybe that is why I felt alarmed at negating the individual who is making different choices about their weight on Connect?  Because as I write, I recognise that it is also about me and how part of me feels discounted, discontinued. But, wait-I shouldn't feel this way, as no matter what size I am I need to accept myself. That much I know is a core belief and I also do not need to separate myself into different persons:  me at 308, at 290, at 260, at 240 at 200...  Do you think I am making it more complicated than it is?  Or, is this still a complicated issue for all of us who deal with changing weight?  Or, is it that some of us actually do feel that we are a better version of ourselves when we lose weight?  I suppose that is another blog post conversation. I do know too, that it is important to cheer each other on and how rewarding it is to feel connected with each other as we go for goal.  So,  for now, I will personally change the way I respond on Connect.  I will renegotiate for non-negate.   You are beautiful in both pictures, congratulations on your weight loss❣ Yes, you can see the difference, and beautiful in both❣  For we all are beautiful, every step of the way.

Live a Voluptuous Life❣

Leila 

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